Ive been through 6 weeks of school.

I really want to scream.

I care, and I like what I study, but its becoming a joke to me. Im getting frustrated at the people telling me i should be worried.

frustrated at the amount of time that goes into explaining that 2+2 is 4, and that cantilever beams have tension on top. That concrete and dirt is different, that structures with to much loading dont stand. Gah! No really!?

I had a talk with a professor one day, got involved in a discussion I actually enjoyed, he told me it was graduate level material. That one day I’ll be able to think more about it, but not now.

Are you kidding me? I have to go to grad school for this information?

There is a book on everything, and I am ready to read them all, but I cant, I have dumb homework to finish first.

I know what your thinking, why not finish it quickly, then get on to something else?

I cant…. its tedious, and im not perfect, I am far from it.

I dont like being compared to others

I am 22!!!

Gosh, I want to experience so much

I know I am super blessed.

Art has become one of the few ways to feel much of anything lately

People make a joke of it too, its a shame


Cant wait to finish these exams so i can take more pictures.

I want to make a short film.

I want to speak to people about religion, their favorite type of animal, the love of their life, I want to know how people feel about everything. I find many people want to share, but don’t know how.

I try I try I try, thats something dumb to say too. There is no try, there is just do, frikin yoda said that! poeple wont listen to anyone tell them that! But they will listen to yoda!

Thats sad too…


I feel like I have no credibility.

Its true I dont.

So I attach names and sources to things I say.

It helps people recognize my words at times, mainly because they are not mine.


People don’t ask questions anymore, they are so afraid.

Men, women, there is nothing to fear… So what, be curious.

Stupid questions we can both laugh at, and learn from, so go ahead.


I don’t feel shame.

I fell asleep earlier to some very very loud dance/dub music, it was making my room shake I had the voluume up so much!

It felt awesome.


oooohhhhhhmmmmm, kinda like what people say in meditation.

I meditate.. it helps clear my head from a lot of things.

It has improved my physical health, and my understanding of self, no, not my mind like ‘chi’, but actual physical functions like contracting muscles, and pains

Keeping my grades above average is quite effortless too lately.


I KNOW the majority of the people in my school have a lot to teach me.

And i want to listen to them, and hear them speak, tell me what they know.


No one approaches though

What the heck??

Its like I have to do all the work all the time. When i approach you love to talk, but you never want to instigate, why in the world!?


We don’t change, stop thinking your so different than before… none of us are… with time we only become more refined versions of ourselves. What qualities you wish to sharpen of yourself are your choice.


oohhhmm, is what im doing now so i dont scream.
Theres so much i want to go out and experience
But I am here right now because some one once decided I can’t just jump in to do something.
Thats understandable for the sake of others.
But I am good at what I do.
I am not asking to be put where I am bad.
I just want to do what I am good at.

It is a huge mistake to do things to easily! Why!? My goodness!

Apparently if you don’t struggle, you aren’t trying hard.
There is no such thing as just being able to do.

And if you aren’t strugling, then your not trying hard, and if thats the case, then you cant possibly be good. Good scores? Good ideas? Nah… its a glitch in the system…


I want some tea, or juice… juice sounds real good… so do many many other things.


I am not even complaining. I am only saying what i wish to say to so many people that would just look at me and say ‘so?’ or ‘you think you got it bad?’

Don’t you see the biggest torture is to not be allowed to do the things that you love to do!


I want to create art, but my art needs, a degree, experience, a licence.
I am going to get all these things.

Until then i will keep creating.

People around me are starting to think I could not care less for the progress of anyone else.

How is not doing my best for you not best for you too?

I want you to be awesome too.


Yeah, you should go do that…


I think im done writing